The Ban On Kanye

Nov 12th, 2008
| posted by: Jonno |

Without D’s knowledge, I am declaring an official ban on all Kanye West related material created in 2008 as of this post. There are many valid reasons for this, but bearing in mind that we here at One A Day usually support Yeezy in his various endeavours, not matter how ridiculously over-blown they may be, we’ll just pick one. Here is the party line, and I encourage all rap fans to follow it:

“Kanye has to take his head out of his own ass already…”

I reached the limit when so nicely informed me of yet another Kanye development from his upcoming album ‘Last Night A Vocoder Saved My Life’ (NB: not real title, but should be), this time with the second most self-indulgent person in hip-hop, Li’l Wayne. ‘This is cool,’ I thought, ‘Kanye’s going to be shown up on his own track by someone younger and more fucked up than he is.’ How very wrong was I. Not to be outdone, Li’l Wayne adds some machinery to his voice and comes out sounding like the stoned Martian he always wanted to be on Tha Carter III.

Somebody needs to smack these guys over the head, preferably with something like the back end of a semi trailer, and remind them how they got famous in the first place. By rapping, otherwise known as a tuneless progression of words that emphasise lyrical dexterity. Talking into a freaking auto-tuner and coming out with impossible melodies does not endear you to anybody. It legitimizes T-Pain’s existence, as well as Ashley Simpson’s, Avril Lavigne’s and 4/5ths of the Pussycat Dolls. I’m not hating, I’m speaking the god honest truth felt by millions across the world vainly hoping Kanye will wake up to himself and end this absurd assault on our ears.

Most importantly, this is in no way innovative. This shit is over twenty years old. When the first vocoded pop songs emerged, Weezy had barely been born and Yeezy couldn’t even talk. I have a theory that the economic recession is forcing artists like Kanye to cut costs and feature himself on every track, instead of hiring Chris Martin, Daft Punk et al. Pity is Kanye, you cannot sing for shit. I’ve seen you live, I’ve watched you attempt to hold a tune, it is pitiful. You write pop features, not pop songs. And I know that there’s a black president-elect, but the sad truth is, it ain’t you. Nobody will be buying tickets to your concerts to watch you cut your wrists on stage and feed it through an instrument.

In a way, this is a blessing in disguise. There was an overcrowding at the top of the hip-hop game recently, and with these idiots shooting themselves in the foot, it leaves the rap throne up for grabs by Ludacris, T.I, Common and even Jay-Z himself, who don’t subscribe to this kind of wank-fest. We know Li’l Wayne’s doing it for shits and giggles, just like he did on Lollipop to prove how gullible the music buying public were. But Kanye’s dead serious. And until his head gets checked, the embargo starts here.

Judge for yourself:

Kanye West – ‘Tell Everybody You Know’ (ft. Li’l Wayne)

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